Gravity

I want to make this clear: I do not believe you are untouchable. I am not about to say you are the epitome of perfect or imperfectly perfect or any of that. Not out of this world or impossible. You are not.

You are...you; how could you be any of those things? You are you. So don't get the idea I hold you up to this unbelievable kindergarten height mark. I am not delusional when it comes to you or your existence. I'm not going to put you under that stress. Not that you'll care any - you'll just say I'm superficial. But here's the thing, ok...well, let me give you an introduction first. I am not afraid of death. I'm not afraid of my lack of continuance or continuing existence. None is, but I've never cared. It's inevitable and it doesn't happen until it does. The universe will go on...supposedly.
But, but - there's always a but - I'm terrified of your lack. Not only that, but it makes no sense. It's like a Math class when they stick this outrageous calculation in front of you and you go...how does x equal y? It doesn't. I can't grasp the idea that you share that inevitable. In the pads of my feet that keep me upright and the laws of the world that conserve mass, there's nothing about your heart stopping or placing coins on your eyelids. It feels like it doesn't apply to you. The rules of the universe, I suppose, end at your feet.
Still, when I try and get over this, ignore that my brain cannot put this equation together and assume that y does indeed equal your eventual cease...when I dare to try to image that you have stopped and left in the most leaving of ways...I shake.
How does the universe go on without you? Literally. If I existed, I don't think I would anymore. It's like that game older siblings play on their younglings - the entire "when we leave the room, we disappear." When you go, everything else vanishes. It has to. I can't fathom it going any other way. And if it does, if I have a continuance and you don't, I don't think I would know it. I would just walk around completely in a haze.
You know when those lovers say "you are my everything" and so when they get kidnapped in the movies their lives come shattering. Like when people lose their iPhones and realize they had their entire life planned and organized on that one little block. They have to start all over, but they don't know how.
Hey...you are everything. Not just mine - everything's everything. I don't think I, nor anything else, scientifically exist without you. You are all and I know that sounds a little nutty because for brief, brief blanks I can feel that you are not this absolute. But then they go away and I can't understand.
Honestly, I think we forgot about your immense influence in the outcomes. Scientists forgot the variable you. Or the invariable...I don't know.
I feel as if you are the key to Science. The structure of Physics. I can't understand it; but I know it's true. I can feel it working its forces against me and everything else. There is nothing without you.